Intention in Relationships
We tend to measure our success in life on the one hand by the level of our achievements and on the other, by the volume of problems we have amassed. Transurfing helps us not to fight problems and rather than how to solve them, how to avoid coming up against them in the first place. In the context of Transurfing, our goals are also achieved in an uncommon way with the help of outer intention. One way or another, all our problems and achievements are born of our relationships with other people, personal and professional. The question is: can outer intention be applied to relationships? The trouble is that outer intention is elusive, difficult to control or subject to personal will. However, there are techniques you can use to activate its function implicitly. With a certain approach, outer intention can be set in motion so that it works independently, irrespective of your will, but nonetheless, in your favour. Instead of working with personal inner intention you can learn to work with the inner intention that motivates others. If you let go of your own inner intention, outer intention will activate the workings of inner intention in others. Outer intention can give you what you want in life with the simple waive of a hand because it does not want anything for itself, and it does not particularly have to do anything. It simply allows inner intention which is attuned to the frequencies of the external world to work unhindered. Use other people’s inner intention to achieve your goals. Despite how selfish this last phrase may sound, it does not actually mean that you are using or abusing other people. It is more a matter of not getting in the way of letting them do what they really want to do. At the end of the day, all problems arise due to a conflict of interests surrounding inner intention. Motivated by personal interest one person tries to get something from another, who has different plans and is intent on having things their own way. How can different interests be balanced and the needs of both fulfilled? It is a difficult task is it not? And yet, it is not really; it comes down to finding the common ground in each other’s inner intentions. A sense of self worth lies at the core of inner intention. In the world of pendulums the only things that truly motivate a person, at the same time as limiting their freedom, are inner and outer intention. Our sense of self-worth is linked with inner importance. As informational energy entities, pendulums are created by groups of people and later continue to exist independently, finally subjecting people to their own laws. The pendulums use importance to establish their control. This is why for the majority of people, enhancing their sense of self-worth is a key determinant in the formation of their intentions. Other determinants relate to fraile, and the needs of the heart but to a much lesser extent. As a rule, fraile accounts for a very minor portion of our motivations and is poorly developed, muffled by the constant need to maintain one’s self-esteem in a world based on pendulums. To activate the power of outer intention in human relationships you have to first break down one more false belief. You may often hear what would appear to be very appropriate advice: “if trying to change others does not work, start by changing yourself.” This saying immediately evokes a feeling of inner discomfort and protest: so I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to!” And quite right that you do not want to! Do not try to change others, but do not try to change yourself either. Whatever you do to try and change yourself or others will be the ineffective and harmful work of inner intention. Problems can be better solved using a different approach. Allow others to realise their inner intention. The act of allowing will stir outer intention which will cause your inner intention to be realised seemingly of its own accord. Imagine a woman who is itching to get married but for reasons she cannot understand her husband is resisting and fobbing her off with excuses. Working with inner intention the woman focuses all her thoughts on trying to persuade her partner to get married. Pressuring him will not resolve the situation and she will end up creating excess potential with her powerful desire and the importance she attributes to getting married. As a result, balanced forces will no doubt steal her loved one away. So what was the problem? Maybe her partner was not committed to the relationship or was no longer in love with her? Of course not. The woman transformed their love relationship into a dependent relationship making marriage the deal-breaker: “If you loved me you would agree to marry me”. For outer intention to work the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her and ask herself: what does a man look for in a marriage? The answer is not difficult to find. He undoubtedly wants to know that his needs will be met and that he will feel loved, valued, respected and admired etc. If the woman were to direct her energy towards helping him meet these needs she would not only meet her own goal but would succeed in having her own similar needs met. What if you feel the man in question does not deserve your love and respect? Well, why be with someone in the first place if you feel that way about them? Everyone is free to choose. As you can see, there is no need to change yourself. The thing is that the open window is in a different place than where we usually look for it. As a rule people are so consumed with what they want to get from others that they do not bother to find out what those other people want. By shifting your attention to the desires and motivations of others you will easily find your own needs met. All it takes is for you to ask yourself what the focus is of your partner’s inner intention. This is effectively like flying backwards from the pane of glass and finally spotting the open window. Next, all that remains is to refocus your inner intention on realising your partner’s inner intention. By doing this you transform your personal inner intention into outer intention. Very often inner intention is aimed at attracting attention and presenting oneself in the best possible light or you may be worried about something that is not going very well. Imagine that you are going to a party. You may imagine that all the other people invited will have their eyes on you and be aware of where you are all the time; for they have gathered with the sole purpose of discussing what you are wearing, how you move and what you talk about. If you were to hear someone in the group laughing you would assume they were laughing at you and you would catch so many disparaging looks! I sympathise! You have of course twigged, that the situation should be interpreted in the opposite way. Everyone else at the party is primarily concerned with themselves and what other people think about them. How they treat other people is the last thing on their mind. So, you can relax, take it easy and feel free. Do not try to act with a lack of pretension or affectation; just gift yourself the quality of naturalness and ease. Remember, that setting yourself the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work. Of course, you might get somewhere with the help of slides but that takes time and the party is today. You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you eliminate importance. However, reducing importance is not always easy. You will not be able to totally abandon the desire to present yourself in the best possible light just like that in an instant. The solution is simple. When someone is talking to you what they need most is for you to give them your attention and show an interest in them as a person. You can be quite certain that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too. Shift your attention from yourself to others. Activate your Guardian and stop playing the game of enhancing your own self-worth. Play the game of increasing the significance of others. Show an interest in other people, listen to what they have to say and observe. You do not need to curry their favour, just go with the flow. As soon as you shift your attention from self to others the excess potential of your own importance will fade automatically. Then you will succeed in behaving naturally. You attract attention to yourself, by showing interest in others. Do not talk to people about what you are interested in, talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves. Then your inner intention will be transformed into outer intention. Other people will immediately become interested in making your acquaintance. They will have nowhere to retreat from the power of your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings. It is useless trying to get people interested in your own being. This desire is a reflection of inner intention. Showing interest in others is a reflection of outer intention. By abandoning inner intention and switching your attention to other people, you effortlessly achieve the result you wanted initially; only outer intention has done it for you. You may wonder how you can attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others thinking: “OK, so I show some curiosity. Will this really make me seem a more interesting person?” The thing is, that even if you were a thousand times more attractive than you are now, other people would still be primarily interested in themselves, and only interested in others as an afterthought. All the time that you are trying to attract attention you are thinking solely of yourself. When you show interest in another person, you fulfil their inner intention. Where does their feeling of fulfilment come from if not from you, and having realised that, who else would that person then be interested in if not you? People are interested in other people when they are well-known personalities, like the stars of show business and the cinema. But this is a different kind of interest. Unless you are a film star, people look at you as a potential partner for business, friendship or love. Fanatics are extreme in their fascination with the stars, swooning over them, gobbling up every tiny detail of their lives, but it would never enter their mind to consider the celebrity as a potential partner in a personal relationship. In everyday communication it does not matter how interesting you are. What matters is how well the other person thinks you would suit them in a relationship and this is what they are evaluating whilst communicating with you. When a person is with you they are generally thinking of their own interests and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit a relationship script in which they feel personally fulfilled. A person feels fulfilled when their sense of self-worth is confirmed: they feel liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else and valued. Now consider what the result would be of imposing yourself on someone in one case and showing interest in someone in another. Naturally, you will fit all their criteria if you fulfil their need for confirmation of their own self-worth. If you are good for a person’s self-esteem they will be lenient to any evident failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses; you may be concerned with your shortcomings, trying to cover them up and put your best qualities forward, but this is the last thing on the other person’s mind. I repeat, your positive qualities and failings are not your partner’s prime concern. The sense of selfworth they experience when talking to you however, is their upmost priority. You might be ‘gorgeous’ in all respects but that will not help you in the search for a friend or partner. On the contrary, many stars suffer from loneliness. Your superb qualities may even set limitations on your search for a partner. People can see your full ‘gorgeousness’ but first and foremost they are evaluating to what extent they will feel significant standing next to your perfection. If you shine before them in all your glory they will probably decide that their personality can only fade in the glaring light. Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities and give your full attention to the person facing you. Make them feel that when they stand next to you they will know their true worth, and you will steal their heart. When you are talking to someone and displaying an interest in them do it with sincerity. Do not let them feel that you are trying to win their favour by manipulating them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda. If you care enough to want a certain person to be well-disposed towards you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity. People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist try to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life. This way of acting is inner intention directed, and this is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others. Take a step back from the uniformity and take a different stance. Set yourself the task of giving your partner the opportunity to appear interesting rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant. Adjust to their frequency and listen attentively, asking questions and showing interest in your partner’s chosen topic of conversation and their life. You will find that you can support a conversation in this way for up to several hours with your partner doing most of the talking. Towards the end of your conversation they will be absolutely convinced that they have met a very interesting confidante and a wonderful person all round. Outer intention works by allowing the inner intention of others to be fulfilled. You sacrifice putting you own personality in the spot light to allow the personality of another to shine; and as a result you receive the very thing you sacrificed. The person in question will be won over instantly and become an avid fan because you have allowed them to fulfil their inner intention; something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity. What can you do if you wish to gain the attention of a person who does not currently wish to enter into dialogue with you such as the person you would like to accept your business proposal who is not remotely interested. In a situation such as this there is all the more reason to believe that you will only gain their interest by putting yourself and your proposal to one side and giving them your full attention. Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in, and take time talk to them. Only then will they show any interest in your problem. You may ask why you should have to listen to others, take an interest in their life, give them your attention, and love and respect, when they are completely self-centered and cannot even be bothered to talk to you. Ok, well, why should they take an interest, admire, love and respect you? Everything you imagine to be true about yourself, how wonderful you are and oh how wonderful in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of dependent and importance relationships. Your inner intention is to be worthy but you will only become genuinely significant in the eyes of others if you abandon your inner intention and allow the inner intention of others to be fulfilled instead. Your advantage lies in the fact that you are outer intention directed whereas others are the inner intention directed. Make the most of your advantage. Generally speaking, when you want something from someone you should bear one universal principle in mind: let go of the inner intention to receive and substitute it with the intention to give. It is very easy to do. If you want someone to respect and acknowledge you, do not wait for their respect. Treat them with respect on your part. Make them feel that in your eyes they are important. If what you need is compassion and gratitude, do not expect others to give these things to you. Participate in other people’s problems and look after them with sincerity. If you want to be thought attractive it will not happen just on account of a pair of beautiful eyes. Show someone else that you find them attractive by definition. If you need help and support be the one to help someone else. That way you increase your worth and will not be the one left owing. Finally, if you want to find mutual love abandon possessiveness and dependent relationships. You will find love if you can be the one just doing the loving without expecting anything in return. This kind of love is very rare and no-one can resist it. In all these cases you will inevitably receive the very thing you let go off. There is one more question: how can you make someone do what you need them to do. You can force a person to do something with inner intention if you are in the necessary position of power. You can also persuade a person that it is essential that they do something. However, outer intention offers the most effective method: arrange things in such a way that the person wants to help you. Agree things so that it corresponds to their goals and aspirations. Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person’s needs. Start by defining the other person’s needs, what they strive for, what they lack, be it money power, the respect of others, a sense of fulfilment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition, etc. All these things are variations on the theme of self-worth. Everyone feels bad about themselves when they feel they are of little significance to the world. When a person does not feel needed or worth anything they naturally try and increase their sense of self-worth. When a person achieves a result they feel more confident and ready to set new tasks as the bar of their self-worth is raised. There is nothing wrong with this. No-one should be judged for their desire to feel more worthy. Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth, they just go about it in different ways. On the contrary, it is much worse when a person stops developing and does not want anything at all although this happens very rarely. Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life and so strive for something however modest. So, work out how the task that is important to you might improve that person’s sense of self-worth. Then, present the task to them in the context of how it would increase their stature. Allow a person to feel more valued and they will experience greater faith in themselves. When they do, be generously appreciative of them. If you let yourself be guided by this principle you will easily prompt other people to act in their interest. Directed by inner intention you may try and force or cajole someone into doing something. Directed by outer intention you simply express the desire for everything to work out in your favour. To fulfil outer intention you have to arrange things in such a way that people act in your interests whilst thinking about their own concerns and doing what is important to them. All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests and think about the needs of others. For example, if you are involved in retail you will be thinking about how you can sell your products to potential customers. The buyer however, will not be thinking about how to please you and neither do they wish to be sold to. They want to buy. Can you see the difference? The buyer is more likely to be thinking: “I wish everyone would stop trying to flog things to me and just let me choose what I want to buy.” Do not think about how to sell your products. Think about what the buyer might want to purchase. The desire to sell is a reflection of inner intention. Outer intention takes a totally different approach which is to find out what the buyer wants. You do not necessarily have to know what product the buyer wants exactly. If they suffer from rheumatism and you take a genuine interest in them by recommending a doctor or form of treatment, the buyer will make their purchase from you. This is an over-simplified example of course but the principle is infallible. Every time you need something from someone or need to have them do something, let go of inner intention. Ask yourself what the other person’s inner intention might be. Act in a way that assists that person in fulfilling inner intention. Once you are already helping someone else to fulfil their inner intention consider casually what you need from that person. Whilst you are busy realising the other person’s intention, make your request in passing. You might find that you do not even have to hint at your own need and everything unfolds of its own accord. This is the magical power of outer intention. An even more effective way of influencing other people is to try and induce their inner intention. When you break it down step by step, the method is quite simple. Enhancing one’s sense of self-worth almost always serves as the motivation for inner intention. Everyone is trying to emphasize and increase their sense of self-worth to one degree or another and by one means of another. If you need something from someone all you have to do is think of how doing what you require of them would increase their sense of self-worth. This is what they call issuing a challenge. You can issue a challenge to a group as well as an individual in the form of: “So, who among you is the best?” If you are playing on feelings of professional honour then the challenge may sound: “Let’s not lose face!” You can also appeal to inner importance: “Let’s show them what we are made of!” If a person accepts the challenge in the context of their self-worth they will carry out your will as if it were their own and you will have their commitment precisely because you have abandoned your own inner intention and paid attention to that of another. Work with other peoples’ inner intention, not your own.